Now that the jury duty unpleasantness is behind us, and we’re all caught up with stuff at our offices in a nondescript industrial building near McCarran International Airport, we can get back to reviewing the news, with some delicious Quick Hits.

(Oh, and by the way, we’re shocked and outraged at Goldy’s suggestion in a previous comment that we try to shirk our duty! That offends us! And no, Goldy, we didn’t think far enough ahead to find somebody with juice to bounce us from the pool. Next time, next time…)

» Excuses, excuses. No matter what else can be said about the scandal/police investigation at University Medical Center, responsibility and oversight lies with seven people: The Clark County Commission. And no matter how they say they were misled, or lied to, or deceived, the fact is, they are the ones who have ultimate oversight of the public hospital.

Now, having said that, there were so many clues, Stevie Wonder could have played Lt. Colombo on this one. First, according to an excellent piece in the Las Vegas Sun, county auditor Jerry Carroll had the whiff of scandal more than a year ago. His probing, shared with District Attorney David Roger, was enough for Roger to hire a private investigator and, eventually, ask Metro to begin a probe.

During this time, Carroll was painting a pessimistic picture of the problems at UMC, while now-fired CEO Lacy Thomas was saying things were good. "We had professionals giving us two different views on where the hospital was financially. It was pretty confusing," says commission Chairman Rory Reid. Oh, gosh, yes.

Let us help you out here: When you have two widely different viewpoints, and your auditor says something is fishy, it’s called a RED FLAG, which should prompt you to call for more information.

Speaking of that, of course, Thomas had failed to file a required financial report for months. The Review-Journal reported that story back in November (ironically, just a few days after it ran a rosy UMC profile in the Sunday paper.)

Two things about that: First, commissioners were aware, or should have been aware, prior to the R-J story that the reports weren’t coming in. That is yet another RED FLAG which should have triggered a sit-down with Thomas. Second, even if laziness or general malaise prevented a probe before that, R-J scribe Mike Kalil’s story was a wake-up call.

So, while some may want to blame ex-Clark County Manager Thom Reilly (who hired Thomas after an executive headhunter firm recommended him), or Virginia Valentine, who took over for Reilly, or ex-UMC staffers (who apparently shared what they knew with auditors and police), there are but seven people to blame for this: The Clark County Commission.

First, G-sting, now UMC-gate, all happening under the commission’s apparently unsniffing nose. Will they ever regain their credibility?

» Not with this attitude: Commissioner Yvonne Atkinson Gates says she knew there was something up with the G-sting defendants, but it was none of her business. Man, we hope we never walk out of a bathroom with toilet paper on our shoe around her!

» Quotable: "If this man was white, this wouldn’t be happening. He’s an African-American in a redneck state. They hated his guts the day he walked in there. … There’s a lot of racist folks that don’t want him there, and they’ll do anything to get him out of there, including lying." — Bill Taylor, a friend and alleged co-conspirator of fired UMC boss Thomas

This is, in a word, bullshit. It’s not even new bullshit; playing the race card to get out from under serious allegations is one of the oldest and least reputable tricks in the book. It’s designed to scare white people away from demanding equal justice under law. And it shouldn’t be given a second thought. We don’t know if Bill Taylor is guilty of taking a no-bid, no-work contract from Thomas. We do know — from this quote alone — that he’s a charlatan who should never be believed about anything.

» Is Gates’ departure from the Clark County Commission connected to the UMC mess? She says no, and we have no evidence to contradict her, although we do think she should have been more aggressive in overseeing UMC; she’s the chairwoman of the hospital’s board of trustees!

Anyway, we’ll ask Gates’ about that on this week’s edition of Political Insiders on KTNV Channel 13. Gates is a scheduled guest for the episode to air at 11:35 p.m. Saturday and again at 5 p.m. Sunday. Tune in!

For now, however, let’s address a point that’s been raised since she announced she was leaving: Who should replace her? We’ve heard names from state Sen. Steven Horsford (he says he’s not interested); Assemblyman Morse Arberry; Las Vegas Councilman Lawrence Weekly and somebody named Will Watson, who apparently serves on the Clark County Planning Commission. (He’s not to be confused, by the way, with actor Wil Wheaton, who played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Different guy.)

Anyway, almost overlooked in the whole mess was a person who Arberry says is supporting him, but who would make a great commissioner in his own right: former state Sen. Joe Neal! Neal lives in the district; he ran against Gates the last time out, garnering but 21 percent against Gates’ 63 percent. Neal’s retired now, but if he still has the fire in the belly, we think he’d be a great choice. Plus, think of how the Strip would react if their old foe Neal was put in charge of gambling regulation!

Oh, that’s right. They’d hate it. And since Gov. Jim Gibbons is not want to make war with the gambling industry, the chances of Neal being appointed are about the same as Paris Hilton’s pal Kim Kardashian calling us to inquire about Valentine’s Day plans. (We’re booked; sorry Kim.)

» Is U.S. Sen. Harry Reid learning disabled or something? After getting slammed last year for accepting free boxing tickets, Reid claimed he’d learned a lesson: Just because something isn’t illegal doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

Flash forward to the Senate’s struggles over ethics, including the wisdom of accepting free private jet travel from corporations. (Sure, we understand: We hate mixing with the mouth-breathing, gum-smacking, American Idol-loving ass-masses, too, senator! But that’s not the point.) The point is is wrong for senators to accept this kind of perk.

After first struggling with the issue ("It’s not an easy issue," Reid said) and defending private jets because they whisk him to the far-flung places in Nevada that commercial airlines don’t go, Reid finally decided that — while corporate jets are perfectly legal — flying on them looks bad and thus should be curbed.

Where have we heard that one before? Oh, that’s right. From Reid. Just a few months ago! C’mon, senator: From now on, have the moral debate in an internal monologue, and then just speak the conclusion out loud.

» Apparently, both the Review-Journal and the Regional Transportation Commission think you are stupid. Here’s part of an R-J story on the deployment of merge-regulating ramp meters:

"The meters use a red light to hold a car for a few seconds before signaling a green light, allowing the vehicle to enter the freeway. Then the cycle repeats."

 

And, a line from an RTC newspaper ad explaining the complex mystery of the ramp meter:

"When the light is red, stop at the line. When it’s green, you’re free to merge safely. It’s just like a regular traffic light — and running it could land you a ticket."

 

You know what? Fuck you. Seriously. That’s what we say to people who come up to us (even in print) to insult our intelligence. We know that red means stop and green means go. Learned it a long time ago. So stop treating the installation of ramp meters like you’re trying to teach us to read Egyptian heiroglyphics or disassemble a plasma-screen TV or some damn thing.

Whoops. Spoke too soon. It turns out 40 people were ticketed for running the red-light ramp meters on Wednesday!

On second thought, we’ll stick with "fuck you." After all, these are Las Vegas drivers. Why should they stop for a red light on a freeway on-ramp when they don’t stop for them anywhere else?

» We personally love the fellowship that ensues after a nasty election. Actually, we don’t. In fact, we find it downright lame. How else to describe the comity between now-Gov. Jim Gibbons and state Sen. Bob Beers, who savaged each other on the campaign trail?

Gibbons called Beers "fiscally irresponsible," but now says this: "If I said that, I was mistaken and I retract that."

And Beers, who said Gibbons was a big-spending liberal who wouldn’t debate because he was a pussy (we’re paraphrasing) is sorry, too. "I would not describe what I’ve seen so far as spendthrift inclinations. Hopefully, I was wrong about him."

Oh, now that’s love, baby. But, we just remembered something. You know who hasn’t retracted something he said about Gibbons? Chancellor Jim Rogers. Remember when Rogers said Gibbons was "not very bright"? Well, Rogers has given Gibbons money and spoken more tenderly of him since then, but he’s never said he was wrong about that "not very bright" thing.

We wonder why…

Anyway, political people, get real: If you really believe somebody is a douche, say so. And then stick by it. (You won’t find state Sen. Dina Titus embracing Gibbons, for example, unless it’s to stab him in the back.) But if you don’t think your opponent is a bad person, then don’t say so in the first place. Because nobody believes it when former foes make nice.

We’re just saying…